


The Roundabout Way of Doing Things

by emperorpenguin (dortmundbvbbabe)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, World Cup of Hockey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-12 05:49:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7922959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dortmundbvbbabe/pseuds/emperorpenguin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The initial WC rosters are released and Carl is furious. Not for himself of course, but for Phil, because after everything that he's been through, Phil deserves to be on the list, he deserves to be happy. While the rest of the Penguins are sympathetic, Carl heads over to Phil's after practice to try and cheer him up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a hockey rpf fic and I really love these two. Please drop a comment and let me know how I'm doing. I'm also on tumblr at theempressofpenguin

Carl’s furious. It’s odd for the Swede to lose his temper and especially only a few months of joining a new team, but he heads to practice steaming. Flower and Murray better watch out during practice today because Carl’s fully prepared to lay a few snipes into the goal. He enters the locker room and everybody there knows. They’ve seen the stories online and Sid cautiously approaches Carl. 

“Calm down,” Sid whispers, though his own frustration leaks out.

“The better question is why aren’t you upset?” Carl hisses.

“I am, but getting frustrated isn’t going to help anyone,” Sid said. “What? You think this will help him? You think this will change things?”

“It’ll show him we care,” Carl says.

“We all care, but we also have the playoffs and the Stanley Cup to focus on and we have things that we can  _ achieve _ . You can’t change the roster,” Sid said. 

Carl knew logically that Sid was right, but Carl was used to demonstrative signs not only of affection but also of anger. The cool dismissal and unsettlement  of Sid and the other teammates didn’t align with Carl’s explosive anger. For a split second, Carl wonders if this is all too convenient for them. Sid, Geno, Murray, even Olli all benefit by Phil not being called up for the US roster. But even though he’s only been there for a few months, Carl knows that they are good people and care in varying degrees about Phil and shoved that thought away.

“Hey,” Phil says. And for a moment, the whole locker room pauses and turns to Phil. He’s still dressed in casual clothes with his hockey gear in the bag. 

Then Horny, thank God for Horny, was the first to respond, “Rolling in late today, man.”

“Yeah, just slept through the alarm,” Phil says, though the excuse is weak to everyone’s ears. He heads to his stall and starts getting changed and eventually they all shuffle out onto the ice. 

Carl wants to stop and hug him right there because it’s obvious that Phil is trying to seem unaffected by it all, but Carl can tell. He knows, because deep in his gut, he had had a small glimmer of hope that he might make the Swedish team’s roster. 

It was different for Carl, though. For him, his own placement on the team was a longshot, so he couldn’t be too disappointed, but Phil being excluded from it was downright criminal. 

Instead, he just taps Phil’s back in a gesture of support as he waddles out to the rink on his skates. 

 

Carl’s practicing ruthlessly. “Save some for the game,” Flower chirps after Carl lays another shot past the goalie’s shoulder. Carl chuckles, but knows that there’s truth to Flower’s warning. It’s not like he trying to hurt the goalies, but he’s just so frustrated and upset that the only options he has is sending sharp snipes in the goal or punching the wall. He figures that putting more effort into the practice is the more acceptable way of venting his frustrations. 

“Getting you ready,” Carl says. Flower just rolls his eyes, the gesture so obvious even underneath his goalie mask. Carl doesn’t really calm down throughout the practice, and even the rookies know not to mess with him. He avoids hits, but the team doesn’t push him either. He’s sweating as though he’d put in a couple of shifts during a game. 

“We’re all upset, man,” Kris says, as he gently squeezes Carl’s shoulder and pushes past him into the locker room. 

“Want to grab drinks later?” Olli asks. It’s a general question, but Carl knows it’s directed more towards Phil. A few of the older guys agree, hoping that Phil will join them, but he politely declines saying that he’s tired and going to take a nap. 

Carl knows that it’s a high probability that Phil will go home and sleep, but he can’t help but wonder if it’d be better to come out with the rest of the team. Honestly, Carl doesn’t want to leave Phil alone. 

“I think I’m going to pass this time, too, but thanks Olli.”

 

Phil’s one of the first to leave and Carl ponders if it would be better to give him some time alone for a while, but he finds himself driving towards Phil’s condo after practice. If Phil’s surprised to see him, he doesn’t show it, but instead opens the door up and invites Carl in.

“Um, I was wondering if you wanted company,” Carl says.

“I was planning on taking a nap,” Phil says dodging the question.

“Okay, I can just go then,” Carl says ready to turn around and head out the door.

“-but I think they’re showing some old games on ESPN if you want to watch, too.”  
“Yeah, that sounds nice,” Carl says.

They sit with a generous gap of space between them as if making space for the elephant in the room. 

“You know, I’m not that upset about it,” Phil says. He looking straight at the screen and if Carl didn’t know better, he’d believe his words.

“You should be,” Carl spits out, though they both know it’s not directed at Phil. 

“Is that why you were weird today?” Phil asks.

“I’m so fucking pissed off,” Carl says.

“You didn’t get picked either,” Phil says as if he needs to remind carl.

“But it’s different, though,” Carl says.

“How?” Phil asks.

“Because it’s you,” Carl says.

Phil just shrugs, “I’m used to it, I guess.”  
“But you shouldn’t be,” Carl stands up and the sudden move startles Phil just slightly. “You shouldn’t just put up with the way that Toronto treated you, and the fact that they didn’t have a tribute for you, and the fact that you weren’t called up. Because you shouldn’t just accept it. It’s okay to be upset about it, we’re all upset for you, and if you won’t be upset, then I will.”  
Phil’s eyes widen and he digests Carl’s words. 

“Um, thanks, why though?”

“Because we’re your team,” Carl says, as if it’s obvious. “And we have your back.”

“Thanks,” Phil says.

They sit in silence for a while, and Carl wonders if they are done talking about it, but then Phil starts talking.

“You know what’s fucking ridiculous,” Phil says with resigned acceptance. “I had a rough couple of years in Toronto, but I finally thought I was doing well here, I finally thought that I had found my match, but I’m still not good enough. I don’t know what more I can do, I really don’t.”

There was nothing Carl could say to soothe Phil, so instead he just scoots across the couch and hugs Phil tightly. Carl was notorious for his warm, affectionate hugs, but this one was different. If he could, he would have sent all his happiness and warmth for Phil to absorb, but the only thing that he could do was hold him. 

He feels Phil’s fingers press into his back tightly as if he never wanted to let him go, and Carl just holds on tighter. 

When they finally separate, Phil’s eyes are suspiciously red and he clears his throat although Carl doesn’t point it out. 

“Fuck them,” Carl says. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Carl says. “How about this? Instead of heading to Toronto, why don’t I fly to Wisconsin and you can show me around? I can see if there’s more than just cows and cheese.”

“Fuck you,” Phil says, but for the first time, Carl sees a genuine smile. “You really want to come and see Wisconsin?” 

“Well, I doubt I’ll get you to fly to Sweden,” Carl says.

“Well, that’s true, but I mean you want to spend time there, with me?” Phil asks, a little insecurity creeping into his voice.

“Can’t break up the H and the K for a full summer, okay?” Carl asks.

Phil nods. “That’s unimaginable.” 

And as they finish watching the game, Carl thinks everything might be okay.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Then they win the Stanley Cup, and it was something that had been a possibility but had seemed unlikely until they won the Eastern Championship. Phil smiled tentatively with the same anxiety that they all felt, they had made it this close, but they still had to beat the sharks. And then they did. 

The scene on the ice is one of chaos. Carl just starts hugging the first teammates that he sees. Sid, then Duper, then Murray and there’s no sense of organization with them. Carl can’t help but think that the win has a deeper meaning for people like him and Phil and Bones- the rejects. 

Carl slides a glance over to the Kessel family and he can see Amanda and Phil off to the side crying and Carl knows that this never really seemed possible. After Boston traded him and then Toronto traded him, it had seemed that Phil was just unwanted. But here he is- they are- and they are Stanley Cup Champions, and Carl thinks that nothing can beat the feeling that he has now. 

He books the tickets for Wisconsin almost immediately. He’s set to fly from Sweden to New York, then New York to Chicago, and then finally Chicago to Madison. Carl thinks that this is probably better than going to the crummy World Cup anyways and when he sends his flight details to Phil. Phil immediately calls him with excitement in his voice, already planning out the bars they’ll go to and maybe take in a Brewers game.

Carl just agrees with the plans, glad that Phil seems to be looking past the rosters snub. And then it happens. Carl gets called up as a last minute addition to the Sweden World Cup Team and his heart sinks because it’s the same time as his Wisconsin trip. He has training with the team in the weeks beforehand, and just before that is his cup day in Sweden. 

He tries to postpone the phone call to Phil until the last acceptable moment.

“Hey,” he says as Phil picks up immediately.

“Hi,” Phil says, “So I was thinking you’d probably be tired when you first arrive, so I’m leaving that first night pretty free. You already have met Amanda and Blake and -”

“Phil, Phil stop, we need to talk,” Carl says, feeling a lump in his throat because he doesn’t want to be another person on the long list of those who have hurt Phil. “I can’t come that week, now.”

“What?” Phil asks.

“I just got called up to the Swedish roster,” Carl says. He doesn’t need to specify that it’s for the World Cup team.

“Wow. That’s awesome! I’m glad they finally realize what talent you have. You deserve this,” Phil says. Carl can tell the enthusiasm in his voice is genuine and that just makes it all the worse. 

“Don’t do that,” Carl says.

“Do what?” Phil asks.

“Don’t do that thing where you sell yourself short,” Carl says. “But I was thinking I could probably fly over in two weeks, if that’s still okay with you.”

“Well, I have to have a surgery on my hand,” Phil says. “Look, it’s not a big deal, okay. You can come to Wisconsin anytime, but you can’t play in the World Cup all the time, so rain check, okay?” 

Phil hangs up before Carl can say much else, probably because he knows Carl will yell at him for hiding an injury, but the only thing that Carl can do is say “It is important to me,” to the dial tone at the end of the line. 

  
  


He sends Phil a couple of messages throughout the summer, especially around the day of Phil’s surgery and Phil replies, but the conversations are stilted and Phil’s replies sound very un-Phil-like and Carl just is guilty.

Horny notices that something’s off when they meet up for the Cup days in Sweden, but it isn’t until they meet up to start practicing with the team that Horny actually questions him about it. Usually, Horny is pretty oblivious to his surroundings, often the last to know about the team gossip. They had become closer throughout the half season that Carl had joined, their common nationality and language facilitating the bond between them. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Horny asks.

Carl hesitates, considering making up an excuse, but decides to tell the truth, “I was supposed to hang out with Phil during the World Cup and then I got called up.”  
“Is he mad at you?”  
“No, but I’m mad at myself, because I knew when I came to Pittsburgh how many people had let Phil down and I didn’t want to be one of them. I really wanted to go to Wisconsin, but he pretty much told me not to come.”

“Does he know how you feel about him?”

Carl doesn’t even try to deny it. Even before he was transferred, he was smitten by Phil the legend, but after getting to know him, and befriend him, he was in love with the other man. 

Carl shakes his head, “No, I didn’t tell him. I- He doesn’t feel the same way.”

“I don’t know,” Horny says,” But he did seem awfully happy to be spending time with you this season, and from what you said, happy that you were planning on visiting him. You should at least think about telling him. Phil’s not a jerk, it wouldn’t affect his relationship with you?”

“And my relationship with him?” Carl asks.

“It’ll change either way, but at least you’ll know one way or another. Look, just don’t book a return ticket and go to Wisconsin after the World Cup. He’ll still be there, right? And then you don’t have to mope your way through the World Cup.”

“It’s not the same,” Carl says.

“No, but you’re trying to make amends for hurting a friend, Phil will get that,” Horny says, “And if you do tell him about your feelings and he dares to reject you, I’ll have some of my hot Swedish friends waiting in the wings.”

“You don’t have any ‘hot Swedish friends’,” Carl chirps. 

“Damn, going for the jugular,” Horny laughs.

 

Carl’s mood gets better. He’s a professional and knows that he has to play his best at the World Cup and he follows all the training regiments. He knows Canada’s going to win, and Sweden’s hoping for a second place finish, and even though he shouldn’t, Carl hopes that the United States team won’t even place as karma for the exclusion of Phil.

He keeps texting Phil- not about hockey, but just fun things he’s seen or the Swedish food that he  _ knows _ will gross Phil out. Phil replies, not quickly all the time, but Carl knows that they’re okay. 

 

So Carl goes to the World Cup and he plays his heart off, but they get eliminated in the semi-finals. In the locker room a text is waiting for him. 

_ Sorry. You had a great game _ . It was from Phil.

In all honesty, Carl had hoped that Phil wouldn’t be watching the World Cup, because Carl knew that seeing any US game would remind Phil on what he was missing out. Carl had hoped that Phil would be spending time with his family, enjoying the break and taking his mind off of hockey. But a part of Carl, the selfish part, the part that was in love with Phil was happy that Phil had watched him, that Phil had seen him play. 

Carl wasn’t sure what to write back, if he should tell Phil that he was planning on coming to Madison the next evening. If he did and Phil told him not to come he’d be devastated so instead, he just wrote a simple thank you.

 

“Go see your boy,” Horny says when Carl says goodbye to the team after one last group dinner. His plane is set to leave around eight and he heads to the airport before he can talk himself out of it. 

He boards the plane- a direct flight from Toronto to Madison- and settles down in his economy class chair that wasn’t made for hockey players with long legs. What if Phil tells him to go back home? What if he’s not even in Madison? After the plane takes off, all these questions that Carl should have had the answers to run through his head.

Thankfully, the flight is short enough that Carl doesn’t have to stew over these possibilities for too long. He has Phil’s home address for some reason he doesn’t really quite remember and looking up the distance he knows the Uber ride will ravage his wallet, but he doesn’t really mind.

It’s almost midnight when he finally arrives outside Phil’s house- or at least his parents house and he wonders if he should just stay at a hotel for the night, but since there are a few lights on in the house, Carl wonders if it might be okay to knock.

He knocks and for a while, he’s standing outside in the dark. He continues to knock until Amanda flings the door open fully prepared to yell at whoever is bothering them so late. She’s wearing flannel pants and a loose top and for a moment Carl almost wishes he’d waited until morning.

“Phil!” Amanda yells and pushes the door open so that Carl can come in the foyer. “Goddamn it Phil get your ass down here,” Amanda shouts and Carl can hear Phil’s heavy footsteps coming down the stairs. Phil’s grumbling as he heads down the steps, not having seen Carl yet.

“What?” Phil asks sleepily and annoyed.

“Come see who’s here,” Amanda says with a beaming smile.

Phil freezes when he finally sees Carl.

“Hi,” Carl says.

“Hey,” Phil replies. Carl didn’t think that he could find Phil more attractive than he had at the Stanley Cup Final, but seeing Phil here, without the stress and the cameras and maybe because they hadn’t seen each other in a while, Carl feels his heart swell. 

Tentatively, Carl closes the distance between them and envelops Phil in one of his famous hugs. Phil’s still stunned, but returns the gesture.

“What are you doing here?”

“I promised I’d come to Wisconsin,” Carl says, “I didn’t want to let you down.” 

Phil just tightens his hold on Carl, pressing his fingers into Carl’s back and burying his face in the crook of Carl’s neck. And right then and there, Carl knows this was the right decision. 


	3. Chapter 3

They don’t talk much that first night, at least not about things that actually matter. They talk about Phil’s hand- it’s good, recovery’s on track, they talk about the semifinal game- Sweden was good, but Finland had been better. They don’t talk about why Carl’s there, or why they didn’t really talk and Carl doesn’t mention the thing that Horny wants him to say.

Amanda and Phil’s parents talk with Carl for a little while that night before they actually do leave and go to bed. There’s a guest room that Phil’s mother tells Carl to stay in and Phil nods like it was a given. So far, Phil hasn’t kicked him out of the house or told him to go back to Sweden so Carl feels as though it’s off to a decent start. 

It’s around one in the morning when Phil sees Carl to the guest room. The bed is made and Phil awkward shows Carl the room, giving him an unnecessary tour all the same. Carl’s exhausted, but happy, happier than someone ought to be who got third place, but he knows it’s all because of Phil.

 

Phil hadn’t been expecting anyone, so he had made plans with old friends to go fishing out on the nearby lake. Carl wasn’t really big on fishing, but he was big on Phil so he went. Phil’s friends are like him, but minus the hockey, and Carl gets along with them just fine, though they don’t have a ton in common. Carl realizes that without hockey he wouldn’t have met Phil, they wouldn’t have been friends, and Carl wouldn’t have fallen for him. 

They’re on the boat for the better part of the day. Phil’s friends keep glancing at Carl when they think he isn’t noticing and Carl just flashes them his wide smile. Phil offers him a fishing rod, but Carl would prefer just reading a book and hanging out with a couple of beers. Phil catches a few fish though, his friends do as well, and it’s clear they are all seasoned pros.

They grill the fish that evening in Phil’s parents’s backyard. Amanda, Blake, and his parents are there too and Carl feels at ease as Phil and his father are off vigilantly watching the fish cook up. Amanda has been staring at Carl every time they’ve been in the same room with a knowing smirk that kind of puts Carl on edge. 

If Horny knows about his feelings then Carl really must be wearing his heart on his sleeve and Amanda’s no idiot. 

They talk about hockey, about their Stanley Cup celebrations. Carl hears the story of Phil’s grandmother chugging champagne from the cup and some of the anecdotes of Phil’s visit to the children’s hospital. 

“Why don’t you show him the lake?” Phil’s dad asks.

Phil pales slightly, “We still have to clean up.”  
Amanda and Blake say they’ll help though, so Phil leads Carl away from the house and down the block. The “lake” is more like a large pond, but there’s a tire swing and a small dock and a few kayaks laying in the water from the neighborhood kids. 

Phil sits down on the edge and dangles his feet just a few inches above the water.

“What are you doing here, Carl?” Phil asks as he looks out on the lake, not able to meet Carl’s eyes. 

“I wanted to see you,” Carl says, “I had hoped that it would still be okay to come over.”  
“You didn’t have to, we’d be seeing each other in a few days for preseason anyways,” Phil says. 

“I promised I’d be here, and I didn’t want to be another person who broke their promise with you and treated you like you weren’t important because you are Phil. You are so, so important and I hurt you and I would never mean to do that so I wanted to make it up to you.”

“You might be the best friend I even had, then, buddy,” Phil says and Carl knows that this is the moment. It’s time to follow Horny’s advice. 

“I don’t see you as a friend, Phil,” Carl says with such serious in his voice that Phil has to look at him. Phil’s blue eyes widen when Carl continues, “I like you and I don’t know when my feelings started or maybe they started right after I transferred, but I missed you.” Carl swallows as he waits for Phil to say something, but Phil doesn’t and Carl’s heart sinks because this was his worst fear being realized.

“Right,” Carl says as he swallows the lump in his throat and walks back down the dock towards the house. There’s probably at least a few more flights leaving from the airport that night and Carl can at least make a stop over in Chicago if there’s no direct flight to Pittsburgh. 

He heads up to the guest room, ignoring the curious looks from the other Kessel family members. He didn’t really unpack the night before, so it’s really no trouble to toss the few dirty clothes back in the suitcase. 

He lugs the suitcase down the stairs.

“You don’t have to go,” Phil says, the pity and discomfort evident in his voice.

“No, I really do, but thanks for having me here,” Carl says as he lingers by the door. 

“It’s not- Carl, just give me time,” Phil says and Carl knows that’s Phil’s kind but awkward way of letting him down.

“Yeah, I’ll see you in Pittsburgh, okay,” Carl says. Amanda pulls him into a hug and Carl can see the confused and annoyed looks on all of Phil’s family’s faces. 

The Uber arrives and Carl heads to the airport. There’s a direct flight to Pittsburgh and Carl books it immediately. All of the clothes he needs are still in his apartment and he figures he can just spend the remaining few days in Pittsburgh. It wouldn’t make sense for him to fly all the way back to Sweden anyways. He sighs and texts Horny right before he shuts his phone off.  _ Told Phil, didn’t go well _ . When he lands, Horny sends him a frowny face in reply and Carl doesn’t text back.

 

**Three Days Later**

 

Carl’s coming back from a run when he sees someone lingering outside his apartment. Even from behind, it’s the unmistakable figure of Phil. Carl had hoped that he would have have a few more days before seeing Phil again, but decides to rip it off like a Band-Aid.

“Hey,” Carl says as he fishes out his key.

“Hi,” Phil replies.

“Were you waiting a while?” Carl asks.

“Maybe ten minutes,” Phil says. 

Carl holds the door open long enough that Phil recognizes it as an invitation to follow.

“Um, can we talk?” Phil asks with a shyness that Carl hates when it’s directed towards him. Carl knows it’s about the confession from the lake.

“Look, don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine,” Carl says barely able to look at Phil.

“Okay, so here’s the thing. I hadn’t really thought of you like that before, or at least I didn’t realize it, but Amanda did and my parents had because this entire summer I was talking about you and talking about what you would like in Madison and stuff like that. And I didn’t really think we  _ could _ be together or anything like that and then you told me you liked me and that got me thinking.”

Carl nodded, waiting for Phil to continue.

“Amanda said I was stupid right after you left and she was right. I mean you came from Toronto for me just to keep a promise and nobody’s ever done that before. I didn’t mean to reject you though, you’re my best friend, and maybe even more…”

Phil trails off and Carl realizes that this is the most he’s heard Phil talk all at once.

“So, I already made my big gesture,” Carl says playfully to ease the tension.

“Buddy, I came on a fucking plane for you,” Phil says. 

“You would have had to anyways in a few days so it doesn’t count,” Carl replies and things are getting back to normal.

Carl steps forward, just so that he’s a few inches away from Phil’s face and puts a hand around the back of Phil’s head. He closes his eyes and leans in, close enough so that Phil fully understands his intent but lets Phil close the gap. 

The kiss is soft and slow and unlike Carl imagined, but still good. Phil’s own hands wrap gently around Carl’s waist and neck and pull him closer.   

When they break apart, Carl presses his forehead to Phil’s and searches for any sign of panic from the American but breathes easier when he finds none.

“Next time you come to Madison, I still have to take you to the bar I was telling you about.”

Carl laughs and Phil smiles and somehow they both know they’ll have plenty of time for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for this one but lots more Kesselin to come. Hmu on Tumblr if you want to swap headcanons and thanks for reading and commenting.


End file.
